My husband calls me a hypochondriac, which I am not, well, maybe I am, but, not the regular kind of hypochondriac. I just always think something is wrong with me. Before you laugh, I don't make things, up, well, I make things up, but, they are real. Don't get it? Let me explain. If I have pain in my wrist, suddenly its wrist cancer, if my side hurts, it's appendicitis, but, these things really do hurt. It's just they don't hurt enough or for long enough for them to really be something serious. If I at least mention it out loud once, it usually goes away. (in the interest of being honest, it is never once. It is multiple times. Over and over again). I can't help it. It's been passed down for generations. I can't tell you how many times my sister texts me and tells me, "I can't handle your mother right now, please call her." I know how to talk her "off the ledge",  Most likely because I just talked myself off one thirty minutes ago. I also can't read the side effects page of prescriptions. My doctor can give me the safest, most used medication in the world and if there is one bad side effect and I read about it, I get it. No joke. If it says erectile dysfunction, I got it. So you can imagine how going to the doctor is for me. I avoid it at all costs. Especially the dentist.

One day several years ago, I woke up one morning with slight tooth pain, I didn't think much of it, except of course mention it to my husband or a hundred times and ask him if he thinks I have tooth cancer. I went about my day, popping ibuprofen every 6 hours like the bottle says. I started to notice later in the evening that the pain wasn't really going away with the pills anymore. By the time morning came around I was in some pretty serious real pain. My husband suggested a trip to the dentist. Silly man. I spent that day and the next rinsing with warm salt water and scouring the house for old antibiotics (yes, I know!). I couldn't sleep, eat or really even function. My husband woke the the fourth morning to find me sitting up on the couch. 

"That's it, you're going to the dentist." 

"Uhmmm, you can't make me" I mumbled.

"Oh for shits sake Cathie, you look like crap, clearly there is something wrong, you need to go.

I'm pretty sure I blacked out from the pain, but, I don't think I argued much more and honestly, blacking out is about the only reason I wouldn't argue about this. Several hours later we are in a specialist office in a swanky part of Orange County. My regular dentist took one look at me and sent us here, to a  " s p e c i a l i s t".  Doctor language for "expensive." 

Apparently, I had let my tooth go so long it was past the point of being viable for a root canal and I had to get it extracted. Not only that, he couldn't do the extraction in his office, the exam showed that every time I moved my head my nerve endings were touching.. Ouch. Explains why I couldn't eat or sleep for three days. I remember admiring the room they put me in. I mentioned to Jeff that it was a nice office. He glared and said something like, "How do you think they pay for this nice office Cathie, this ain't gonna be cheap". By this time I didn't care much, I had been shaking so badly from nerves and being cold and not eating, the nurse had put warm blankets on me and gave me something to dull the pain. 

The doctor finally came in and explained the situation, the tooth had to come out, it was going to be a tricky extraction and he suggested that I be put to sleep for the procedure. NOOOOOPE. People get put to sleep and never wake up, I've heard of this happening in dentists offices, nope, not doing it. "I'm actually feeling fine now, we can just go, sorry for taking up your time doctor." I barely made it half way out of the chair before Jeff unceremoniously pushed me back into the chair by pushing on my forehead. 

"So, you are saying the best way to do this is to put her out?" Jeff says, seeming relieved at the thought of a medically induced break. 

"Yes, we will bring in the anesthesiologist and he will only be putting her under for about 30 minutes. Clearly, she has worked herself up into quite a state (duh)  and since she hasn't eaten in a while and probably no sleep, its best for everyone if she just relaxes and goes to sleep while we take it out".

"So, only 30 minutes? Hear that babe?" Turning to me, "its only 30 minutes, not a big deal, and I'll be here the whole time"

"WHATTHEHELLAREYOUGONNADO? NO! I am not being "put to sleep" what the hell,  I am not GOING UNDER ANYTHING, give me a pill I'm fine, we can just leave, its all good." As I felt my head being pushed back into the chair again.

Jeff held up a finger to silence me, which I immediately tried to swipe away,  but, by now, I am seeing double and just end up swatting the air. 

"Doctor, can you give us a few minutes to talk about it?"

"Sure, I will send in the tech with all the necessary paperwork."

 

"You do that, I ain't signing anything." I hear myself mutter as the door closes behind him. 

Turning to me the second the door clicks closed.  "WHATTHEHELLISWRONGWITHYOU??? People go through this kind of procedure all day, every fricking day, its not a big deal, stop being a baby! Its thirty minutes, its not like they are doing open heart surgery. I am sure they do this every single day, YOU WILL BE FINE,  I am SOOOOOO OVER THIS, its just a fricking tooth for shits sake, its coming out and you are going to sleep to do it, I swear Cathie, I will leave your ass here if this isn't taken care of right this minute, you can't go on like this. You're fine, you'll be fine, just knock it off" he kept muttering all kinds of swear words that I don't need to repeat, but, you get the point. (I might mention that during his entire tirade I was shaking my head no and muttering things like, nope, not going to happen, when hell freezes over....) 

A nice looking guy in scrubs with a clip board walks in after a slight tap on the door.

"Hi Cathie, I'm Byron, Doctor wanted me to go over some things with you, awe you look cold, do you want another blanket?" (told you it was a nice office) 

"Yes, please another blanket wo......"

Jeff interrupting, "shes fine, she doesn't need a blanket, lets get this thing started." Jeff says.

"Oh, ok, so Doctor tells me that you would rather not go to sleep..."

"Shes going to SLEEP" Jeff almost shouts. 

"...for the procedure, so if we were to do it with just the local, which again, you should know Doctor is recommending that you be put under, the cost will be $375.00"

"You're putting her to sleep." Jeff says through gritted teeth. 

"We are hoping that you change you mind and will go with the Doctors advice, clearly you are in a lot of pain, and you are shaking like a leaf, poor thing, having you asleep will be the best way to do it, and just think you will wake up and it will be all over."

I'm shaking my head, Jeff is nodding his. He continues.... 

"Ok, so the cost of the anesthesiologist  with the cost of the visit and the extraction the total will be, uhhhhhmmmm  $1745.00."

Standing up, "Did you not hear my wife?? SHE DOES NOT WANT TO BE PUT UNDER, now, go tell the doctor that she is fine, and she will be having her tooth pulled under the local."

Turning back to me. "See babe, its all good, you will be out of here in no time."

My hero.....